Le Boosh Puissant
by Radar-rox
Summary: Vince, Tara, Howard, Naboo and Bollo take a trip to France. And... something will happen when i think more about the plot...
1. Chapter 1

**Yes! I've done it! Three fanfics uploaded in one day! Only two of them are Boosh ones, but hey, if you're a Red Dwarf fan, check out 'Full of Grace' – it's angsty-licious! **

**Anyhow, this is another fic with Tara and the gang, in which they take a trip to france. If you haven't read my other fic, A Visit from Tara Noir,I recommend you do so first. By the way, Le BooshPuissant is apparently french for the Mighty Boosh. (my thanks to Babelfish online translation)**

**Down to buisness then, all Booshy things are owned by Noel and Julian, but i do own Tara. So hands off, y'hear!**

Vince sat next to the window, looking out expectantly as Howard lugged a large suitcase out into the living room.

Turning round at the commotion, Vince said 'What happened to travelling light?'

'That was on a nature holiday. This is France, Paris to be exact, filled with all kinds of beautiful women and the stylish French men I'm gonna have to compete with if I want to get my hands on any of them.'

'So you think you're gonna pull in Paris then? Do you even speak French?'

'I don't have to speak French, I speak the international language of love.'

Vince shook his head in disbelief as Naboo and Bollo came in, Naboo carrying a small suitcase and Bollo carrying a large floral sunhat.

'That all you're taking Naboo?'

'Yeah. Tara said I could bring along the carpet, so if I forget anything I can nip back here and grab it.'

'That's hardly in the spirit of holidays Naboo! If you forget something you're supposed to go out and buy something to replace it. That's why I'm only taking about half of what I need.' Said Vince.

'Half of what you need? You've got five suitcases!' exclaimed Howard.

'Yeah?'

'How are you gonna fit all of them in the van?'

'No, it's alright, Tara's packing her stuff up so everything she needs is in her duffle bag, so I can put all of this stuff in her cupboards. Plus she's bringing a roof-rack too, for any that's left over and all of your stuff.'

'There isn't a weight limit on the ferry is there?'

'No, why?

'Maybe there should be' Howard said, eyeing the mountain of luggage.

There was a loud knock from the front door. Vince legged it down the stairs, somehow managing not to trip, flung open the door and threw himself at Tara. 'Tara!'

'Woah!' she said, stumbling backwards with the force of having Vince practically leap at her. Hugging him back, she laughed 'Honestly Vince, it hasn't been that long!'

'I know, but I still like to see you!'

'Me too' she said, squeezing him before pulling back. 'You almost ready?'

'Completely, I think.'

'Alrighty then.' She said, opening the back of the van and pulling out a bag full of clothes to be deposited in the flat. 'Its all yours.' She bowed elegantly, and Vince walked round to have a look at the empty cupboards, soon to be filled with all sorts of fashionable items.

'Cool.'

As Tara approached the door, Howard, Naboo and Bollo emerged from it. 'Hey guys!' she exclaimed, dropping the duffle bag and hugging each of them in turn. 'You good to go?'

'Yep. You got the keys Bollo?' asked Naboo.

'Bollo have keys.' He replied, before adding under his breath 'Bollo more responsible than some people think.'

'What was that Bollo?'

'Nothing.'

'Wait a sec, I just wanna dump this' said Tara, running up the stairs and tossing her stuff into Vince's room, looking around happily. _I love this place._

'Come on!' called Vince's voice.

She hurried back downstairs, Bollo locking the door behind her.

As they loaded up the van, Howard asked 'What's the weather supposed to be like in France?'

'I'm not sure, I haven't been in a B&B for a while and my laptops been down the past couple of days. But it's gotta be better than this' she said, indicating the cold grey drizzle of the London skies.

'Are we ready then?'

'I think so. Let's go!'

**I'm thinking about doing the next chapter of them just in the van, but i did that in the last fic, so i don't know if it'll be too same-y.. well, why don't you tell me what you think of that idea? Get reviewing!**


	2. Down to Dover with Dolly Mixtures

**Chapter 2! Fianlly! Sorry it's been a while, I've had writers block like you wouldn't belive.**

**Thanks as always to Hannah for reviewing, and also to 'mckenziedrestire' - all reviews welcome!**

'Right Howard, you'll be my navigator when we get to France, ok?' said Tara, handing him a map.

'Hang on,' said Vince. 'Why can't I navigate?'

'Because of what happened last time I left you in charge of the map. Remember? We ended up in Switzerland.'

'Yeah, well, it's a nice place.'

'Vince, we were going to Bath! Its in completely the opposite direction!'

'Alright, it weren't my fault.'

'How in any way was it not your fault? You were drawing all over the map, little doodles and lines everywhere, no wonder we got lost.'

'How'd you get over the sea?' asked Howard.

'Don't ask me, ask Mickey Scribbles back there.'

'Mickey Scribbles?' asked Vince from behind her.

'Alright… I was put on the spot….' She mumbled back.

Vince snickered and rummaged through his bag. 'Can you put this on please?' he asked, passing a tape forward.

Tara glanced at it. 'I don't have a tape player remember? It's all cds.'

'Oh no, I forgot! Aw, I made all these tapes too, what a waste.'

'I thought you were cutting edge Vince, what are you doing with tapes?'

'I'm cutting edge retro, I bring the past to the future!'

'What happens to the present?' asked Naboo

'The present, like time, is an abstract concept, there is no 'now' – as soon as you grasp a moment, its gone, in the past, a memory.' Interrupted Tara.

'That was quite philosophical' said Howard, impressed.

'I have my moments' she smiled.

'What are we gonna have on then?' Asked Vince, bringing the conversation back to music.

'How about some Jazz?' suggested Howard, holding up a cd.

'What? Since when did you have cd's?' cried Vince, alarmed at the prospect of having to listen to jazz.

'Haha, guess it's not just you whose bringing the past to the future, eh Vince?' laughed Tara. 'Anyway, sorry Howard but I can't concentrate with jazz on.'

'But you can with Meatloaf?' speculated Vince.

'I'm sorry, but it sounds to me a bit like you're arguing the case for jazz!' said Tara over her shoulder.

Unseen to her, Vince's face suddenly looked mortified as he realised she was right. This made Bollo and Naboo, who were facing him and had previously been smirking at the brother-sister banter, laugh.

'Where are we actually staying?' asked Howard. 'Vince was pretty vague.'

'There's this little hotel on the outskirts of Paris, in a fairly arty neighbourhood that I heard about. I haven't actually been there, but someone recommended it to me and I've been on the website and it looks really good. Actually, I think between the six of us we take up all the rooms, so we'll be the only ones there.'

'Cool'

'You gonna be driving the whole time Tara?' asked Naboo.

'Oh God no! This is supposed to be my holiday too, remember? We can take the Metro pretty much anywhere, there's a station just around the corner. But I will drive a bit, when we go out to Disneyland and stuff.' She replied.

Then, without so much as word or a glance backwards, she reached behind her and held out her hand. Vince, who had just produced a packet of Dolly Mixtures seemingly from nowhere, then placed one in her hand, also without a word or glance. They seemed to have some strange psychic connection, in as much as one always knew when the other had sweets, and they in turn always knew when the other wanted one.

This left the others to wonder what other strange powers these siblings shared, as they drove down to Dover.

**The bit about the present was adapted from something my friend Mike once said completely randomly – 'I've just realised something' 'What?' 'Time is theoretically impossible', so my thanks to him.**

**I've just re-read this chapter back and it sounds a bit pants, sorry about that, most of it was written in little chunks in the night when I couldn't sleep, then poorly patched together! So my apologies, but I'm hoping the next will be better!**


	3. Spearmints and Shamen

**Thanks to Cookiemunster for reviews, all reviews welcome!**

**Prepare yourselves folks... it's Tony Harrison time...**

Vince lay slumped against Bollo, fast asleep. Tara knew she should have tried to on the ferry ride too, but was unable to, and instead she sat reading a book. Opposite her sat Howard, looking even less composed than usual, staring intently at her knees (no, he didn't have some kind of knee fetish, they just happened to be in his line of vision). A faint greenish tinge was beginning to creep in around the edge of his features, like emerald lions gathering around a herd of bewildered wildebeests.

'You alright Howard?' Tara asked, receiving only a small nod in reply, which may have just been the result of the sea swell.

'Here,' she continued, rooting around inside her rucksack and pulling out a small vial. 'Have a sniff of that. It'll help.'

Howard paused, and Tara realised that he was hesitant because he was being offered a mysterious substance to sniff that would make him 'feel good' again. She tilted her head to one side and spoke in an exasperated voice. 'It's spearmint oil'

'Oh, thanks'. He took the oil and sniffed at it, smiling at its pleasant aroma.

'You wanna go up onto the deck?'

'If you don't mind.'

'Nah, I could use a walk and a bit of fresh air myself.'

'Why didn't you go with Naboo?' The tiny shaman had gone off to investigate the buffet about fifteen minutes ago.

'I was engrossed.' She replied, holding up her book.

'Oh. Come on then.' He said, hauling himself up and taking another hasty sniff at the spearmint oil.

They told Bollo where they were off to and headed up to the deck, their hair being whipped around their faces. A little along the deck, they spotted a pink head with tentacles perched on a deckchair.

'Alright?' Called Tony Harrison in his raspy voice. They wandered over to him.

'Hello there.' Said Howard, about to shake hands then realising Tony had no hands, shaking a tentacle, and introducing himself. 'Howard Moon, and this is Tara Noir.'

'Pleased to meet you, I'm Tony Harrison.'

'Tony, hi. You travelling alone, or…?'

'Nah, I've got the missus with me, she just went down for some food. I have to stay up here on account of my travel sickness.' He explained. 'Is it just you two, or are you with others as well?'

'No, we're here with my brother Vince, and Naboo and Bollo. We just came up here because Howard was feeling a bit ill and I felt like a walk.'

'Did you say Naboo? Short guy, blue turban?'

'Yeah, you know him?'

'Oh yes, I'm on the Board of Shaman, he was called before us a few months ago for giving carpet rides to civilians.'

'Oh, that might have been us.' Said Howard. 'Tara was kidnapped by Tony the Prawn, and we all rode Naboo's carpet to go and rescue her.'

'No, it wasn't that, that was a rescue mission so it was excused. No, he's been giving rides to a young lady' he said knowingly.

'Oh.' Said Tara. 'That was probably me.' She was referring of course to the time Naboo took her up before she left the Zooniverse, as she'd been asleep during her previous ride.

'Oh, so you're the girl he's….'

'He's what?' asked Tara, confused.

Tony realised he knew something that they didn't, so decided to say something else. 'He's…..been giving rides to.'

'It was only the once.' Said Tara. 'Well, twice.'

Howard was just about ask her when this second time occurred, when the door back into the ship opened and a stunningly beautiful woman stepped out, her long blonde hair flowing in the wind. She walked over to them.

'Ah, here she is now. Uh, Howard, Tara, this is my wife Jessica.'

'Pleased to meet you.' She said, shaking their hands. Tara replied 'You too', but all Howard was able to say was 'muuhhhh….' until Tara kicked him.

'Hi, Howard Moon, pleased to meet you. What are you going over to France for?'

'Oh, we have a holiday home over there, so we come over as often as possible, but first we're planning to do a bit of shopping, and visit Pairs again.'

'We're staying in Pairs, maybe we'll run into each other.' Said Howard hopefully.

'Perhaps.' Jessica smiled.

'I must say, that's a smashing blouse you have on' said Howard, taking the excuse to stare rather obviously at her chest.

Looking frantically between the two of them and Tony Harrison, and sensing mounting tensions of more than one sort, Tara took Howard by the arm. 'C'mon Howard, if you're feeling better we'd better be getting back.'

'Well, I'm not entirely..' he replied

'We'd best go anyway, the others will be wondering where we are. Nice to meet you!' she added to Tony and Jessica.

'You too' called Tony, smiling at Tara but glaring at Howard's retreating back.

'What are you doing?' cried Howard. 'I was in there!'

'Yeah, in with someone else's wife! You should've seen the look Tony was giving you!'

'Come on, it was only a bit of fun!'

'Well he obviously didn't see it that way. I tell ya, if that guy had had hands, he'd have grabbed your-'

'Hi' said Naboo, appearing beside them.

'Hey Naboo. We just ran into someone who says he know you, Tony Harrison?'

'Oh yeah.' Naboo smiled. 'He alright?'

'He was, until Howard started flirting with his wife.'

'I was barely-' Howard protested, until Naboo interrupted.

'Uh-oh. What happened?'

'Nothing, I managed to drag him away. Tony was giving him one hell of a glaring though.'

'I'm not surprised, Tony's a very jealous…. head. He gets annoyed if someone so much as looks at his wife.'

'How come?'

'Well, being only a head I think he's a bit insecure about not being able to…. _provide_ for her like some other men might.' Naboo explained.

'….oohhhhhh…..' said Tara, as she realised what he meant. Howard, however, remained clueless as always.

'What are you on about?'

'Let's just say that other men might be better able to accommodate her _needs_, as a woman, more than Tony.' Said Tara.

Howard still looked as perplexed as a vicar who went into the Church on a morning and found a sparrow wearing his best vestments.

'Bloody hell Howard.' Said Tara in exasperation. _If this man has ever got lucky, then the world is a mystery to me_ she thought, as Naboo tried again to explain to Howard that Tony and Jessica had never had sex (in more discreet terms of course – they were English after all).

'Oh, I see!' said Howard, finally understanding. 'so they've never….'

'No.'

'Right.' He nodded. 'No wonder he's so jealous.'

'Yeah, once I said to him that maybe he should've got himself a less attractive wife. He spiked my lucozade, and for a week I thought Bollo was made of liquorice. Kept trying to nibble him.' Said Naboo.

'How'd he taste?'

'Furry.'

**Disclaimer: the phrase 'that's a smashing blouse you have on' is from Bottom, which is owned by two geniuses knows as Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson. Basically, it's theirs not mine. **

**Hope you enjoyed that chapter, i gave Tony Harrison a bit of jealous depth, please review!**


	4. Service Station Shenanigans

**Thanks for all reviews! All reviews welcome! Hope you enjoy this chapter, I've started the next one but it might not be posted for a while becasue I'm going to Ireland for a week on Satuday. But I'm taking my notebook so hopefully I'll be able to get a lot of writing done.**

'Anyone got a drink with them, I'm gasping.' Asked Tara.

'Nope.'

'Sorry.'

'No'

'Yeah, I have somewhere, um.. aw no, I must've left I on the ferry.' Said Naboo.

'Oh. Ooh, don't worry look.' She said, pointing to a sign up ahead. 'That's what I love about France see, service stations – everywhere. Back home you have to drive about fifty miles, and even then they're pants. C'ept Reading, that one's quite good.'

'You reviewing them or summat?' Snapped Vince from behind her.

'Ooh, look who woke up on the wrong side of the ferry.'

'Shut up.' He mumbled.

'Oi oi, what have I done?'

Vince sighed. 'Sorry, I'm just… I don't feel so great.'

'Oh? What's wrong?' asked Tara, her indignation turning immediately to concern.

He moaned slightly. 'Headache.'

'Hm.' She asked Howard to pass the spearmint oil to Vince, and as he obliged, she continued. 'You might just be dehydrated, but we'll try and get you some paracetamol at the service station yeah?'

He smiled slightly, closing his eyes, wanting to sleep again. 'Thanks.'

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Once they had pulled into the service station and parked, poor Vince was just dozing off..

'Oi, c'mon you.'

He stirred. 'No, I wanna stay here.'

'Sorry Vince, but the fresh air will do you good. Come on.' She said, helping her sleepy brother out of the van. Howard once again smiled with deep admiration for their relationship – each always made the other their number one priority, no matter what.

They entered the service station, Vince and Tara heading off in search of water and paracetamol and the others disappearing to check out the restaurant, other stores, use the facilities etc.

Luckily it was quite a big service station, and the Noir siblings were able to find a shop with a pharmacy counter.

'Right, French mode.' Tara muttered, as Vince went off to investigate the sweet section.

'Bonjour'

'Bonjour' said the man behind the counter.

'Vous avez n'importe quel...quel est le mot?' She thought for a moment. 'aspirin?'

'Oui, aspirin.'

'Oui, pour le mal a tête.'

'Oui.' As she got her money out, he asked, 'vous êtes anglais, oui?'

'Est-il cet évident?' she grimaced.

'Un peu. Pourquoi êtes vous en France?'

'En vacances, avec mon frère et amis. Que nous allons à Paris.'

'Ayez un bon voyage'

'Merci bien. Au revoir!'

'Au revoir.'

Tara found Vince wandering around a little way away, armfuls of sweet packets.

'You got enough there?' she asked.

'Well, there wasn't much choice.' He replied, apparently not hearing the irony in her voice.

She smiled gently. 'Come on then. We need water.'

'I hope you have enough money to pay for all of that.' She said as they made their way through the shop.

XXXXX

Howard found them a little while later, sat on a bench and talking animatedly.

'Why don't you do it?' Vince was asking.

'Because I dared you!'

'Yeah, well, I'm reversing the dare.'

'Rev- you can't just reverse a dare!'

'Yes I can, I'm turning it round, its facing you now. What are you gonna do?'

'I'm gonna stare it down. That dare's got nothing on me, I created that dare.'

'Alright?' said Howard, sitting down next to them.

'Hey Howard.'

'How you feeling Vince?' he asked.

'I'm better thanks.'

'Go on. It'd be fun!' Tara nudged Vince.

'No, you do it!'

'I told you, there's no dare reversing going on here.'

'What's going on?' asked Howard.

'I dared Vince to yell out 'Oh God here comes a zombie pirate ninja!' but he won't do it.'

'Tell on me, why don't you!'

'Nyah-nyah nyah-nyah-nyah!'

_Oh god, it's going to be like going on holiday with a couple of eight-year-olds _Thought Howard. He glanced at Vince. _Instead of just the one…._

'Where are Naboo and Bollo?'

'Locked in an epic battle in the arcade.' Said Tara.

'They're playing that dancing game, y'know.' Added Vince.

'Oh. I thought that would've appealed to you two.'

'It did, we already had a go.'

'We had to leave because the arcade was bringing Vince's headache back.'

'Don't make it sound like my fault! You're just bitter because you lost.'

'I didn't loose, I got distracted.'

'Yeah, and by loosing your focus, you lost the game.'

Tara was about to reply when Naboo came careering out of the arcade to their left, closely followed by Bollo.

'Leg it!' they cried in unison, already halfway to the exit. The others soon joined them.

'What the hell happened?' cried Howard.

'We finished playing, and I won. Bollo got frustrated and hit the machine, and broke it.'

Tara glanced behind her to see a figure (who looked remarkably like Bob Fossil in a moustache) chasing them, shouting. She knew plenty of French, and the things he was saying raised her eyebrows considerably. She only hoped there were no hedgehogs nearby….

_Run away, Run away!_

They hid behind a coach to get their breath back before the sprint across to the van.

'Why didn't you just pay to have it fixed?'

'It was seven hundred euros?'

'Strewth.' Said Tara, leaning against the side of the coach, chest heaving. She sank down to the pavement.

'Come on, we'd better get going before we're found.' Said Howard.

'Ooh no. Just leave me here.' She said, closing her eyes and holding up the keys to the van.

'Up you get.' Howard and Vince pulled her up

'Woooaaaaahhh headrush!' she moaned, blinking frantically and holding onto the side of the coach. When she recovered, she led the group, peering round the side of the coach and legging it across to the van, diving inside and firing up the engine.

As they pulled back onto the motorway, they all heaved a sight of relief.

'Nice!' grinned Tara, high-fiving Howard, who was sat next to her again. 'Next stop – Paris!'

**In case you were wondering, the french conversation went something like this: 'Hello' 'Hello' 'Do you have any... what's the word...aspirin?' 'Yes, aspririn' 'Yes, for heachaches.' 'Yes. You're english, yes?' 'Is it that obvious?' 'A little. What are you doing in France?' 'On holiday, with my brother and friends. We're going to paris.' 'Have a good trip.' 'Thank you. Goodbye!' 'Goodbye.'**

**I know, it sounds better in french...**

**Just in case you haven't got it by now... Disclaimer: I don't own the dancing game, or 'Run away, run away!' (ie becasue its from Monty Python's Holy grail, not because I don't own words...). All I own is Tara. OK!**


	5. Mickey Mouse mystery

**I was writing this on holiday and realised that in chapter 2 I think it was, I put that there were six of them, when there are in fact only five. 'Sorry, silly day' as they say, so I'd just like to make clear that there are only five of them, and only five rooms. So there. Anyhoo, I'd like to thank Cookiemunster and Fwoggeh for reviewing, all reviews welcome!**

'Who was it then?' They'd been playing car games most of the way to Paris, and were now onto 'Who am I?'

'Mickey Mouse' said Naboo.

Vince looked confused. 'But you said 'dead'!'

'Well, I didn't really know.'

'But Mickey Mouse isn't dead!'

'Course he is' piped up Howard.

'How is he dead, he's a cartoon character, he can't die!'

'Yeah, he's a cartoon character, therefore he was never alive, therefore he's dead.'

'That's rubbish! He-'

'Guys!' cried Tara. 'Can you just.. pipe down for a bit please, I'm trying to concentrate.' She said, peering frantically at the huge amounts of traffic also negotiating the roundabout ahead. _I knew I shouldn't have come this way…_

'Sorry Tara'

'Its alright, just be quiet for a bit'

They were as obedient as churchmice on their first day of primary school, until a little while later when Tara told them that they could talk again.

'What do you think?' asked Vince, turning round to Tara.

'About what?'

'Mickey mouse – alive or dead?'

'Well I guess as a cartoon character he was never physically alive….'

'Thank you' said Howard

'But then, as a cartoon character he was alive in everyone's imagination.' Vince nodded smugly. 'So I guess as long as people still think about him, he must be alive, he can't die.'

'You're very philosophical in this van' said Vince uneasily. He was a simple man, and philosophical discussions of immortality were a little beyond him.

'It's the driving, it makes me think a lot. I suppose I should probably be thinking more about the road, but never mind. Anyway, it doesn't matter now. We're here.' She said, pulling over.

They all leaned to look out of the windows as Tara pulled into the small car park. The building was tall and narrow, situated at the end of a small terrace. At the very top, wrought iron railings and trailing plants seemed to signify a rooftop garden. More plants adorned the windows, and the steps up to the entrance. Inside, the hall was painted white, and was decorated with all kinds of furniture, and brightly coloured paintings and tapestries.

Tara rang the bell on the small front desk, and a small, dark haired woman wearing loose, flowing clothes appeared. Appeared from a doorway that is, not appeared like the shopkeeper used to in 'Mr Benn'.

'Bonjour' she smiled.

'Bonjour' returned Tara. 'Nous avons un reservation pour le semain?'

'Oui…' the woman checked her book. 'Noir?'

'Oui. Je m'appelle Tara, C'est mon frère Vince, et Naboo, Bollo et Howard Moon.'

'Bonjour' she said. 'Je m'appelle Adèle. Est-ce que je dois vous montrer à vos salles?'

'Pouvons-nous rassembler nos sacs d'abord?'

'Naturellement, quand vous êtes prêt.'

'Mercie.'

As they returned to the van to get their bags, Tara said, 'right, I think there's three doubles and two twins, so who wants what?'

They were all very English and polite about it ('well, I don't mind, if you really want the double…') except Vince, who immediately chirruped 'I want a double!'

'Alright, who else?'

Howard took the opportunity to be gentlemanly. 'Well, I think that as you did all the driving and took care of all the arrangements, you should have a double Tara.' The others agreed.

'Are you sure? I don't mind, I usually just sleep in the van, or sometimes a tent, so…'

'Well, all the more reason for you to have a little luxury then!'

'Aw, thank you!' she smiled.

After further deliberation, it was decided that Howard get the other double, and soon each of them were dispatched into their appropriate rooms, as Adèle led them up the old mahogany staircase. Tara flitted merrily from room to room, checking that everyone was happy and also comparing the other rooms to her own. Each was differently decorated, some brightly coloured, some darker. She came at last to Naboo's room.

'Hey Naboo, everything alright with your room?'

'Yeah thanks, its great, I got a wicked view' he replied, gesturing toward the window.

'Ooh, lemme see.' She replied, making her way over. 'Oh wow.' The view was indeed amazing, all of Pairs seemed to stretch out from beneath Naboo's window.

'I might keep sneaking in here to take pictures.' She said, still admiring the view. There was a pause as the both pulled very similar faces and turned to look at each other. 'That sounded… very very wrong…. I didn't- I meant-.. the view.. I'll just go….' She finished, leaving Naboo looking rather bemused.

A little later, they all went out to have a wander and find somewhere to eat, as it was getting on for teatime. They turned a corner and saw an outdoors café, where a man in a beret, stripy top and onions serenaded couples with an accordion.

'Is it just me, or have we walked into a stereotype?' asked Tara.

'No, its not just you, c'mon.' They backed away, only to turn and see a tidal wave of gererostiy helping out a homeless man.

'What's that?' asked Vince.

'It's a metaphor.' Explained Tara.

'Not a very good one' muttered Howard.

'Look – there's a simile' she said, pointing to a woman as thin as a rake.

'What's going on?' asked Howard

'Dunno.'

'Look at that!' Naboo was pointing towards a barrier at the edge of the square, where lots of people clutching notebooks or keyboards were gathered a sign above them on a wall read 'le bloc de l'auteur' – writer's block. More writers were hammering frantically on a door which read 'muses seulment' – muses only. From a window above them, one of the muses leaned out and told them to sod off, before dropping a boot on their heads.

'Let's get out of here' said Bollo.

**Hope you liked that, please review! **


	6. Cutlery Conundrum

**Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, love you all! After the next chapter things should really kick off, so bear with me!**

They managed to escape the surrealist ramble and found a nice restaurant with a decent menu. They sat and ordered drinks, and were chatting merrily when the waitress came over to take their order.

She was quite pretty, not stunningly so, but Vince seemed to be captivated by her.

'Bonjour. Etes-vous prêt à passer commande?' she asked, smiling coyly at Vince. He smiled back, but began to falter as he realised he hadn't understood what she's said. He looked across to Tara for help.

'Ready to order' she muttered to him, before speaking normally. 'Je voudrais-

'Oh, are you from England?' Asked the waitress in a strong accent.

'That's right. My name's Vince by the way.'

'I am Dèsirèe.'

'Howard Moon, pleased to meet you.' Howard blurted.

So-called Dèsirèe smiled a little at him, before smiling more fully at Vince. 'Where in England are you from?'

'London' he nodded

'Oh, I have always wanted to go to London! It had been a dream of mine since I was so 'igh!'

'I'm from Leeds myself, very interesting city Leeds…' Howard attempted.

Vince interrupted. 'Yeah, well, if you do decide to come to London, and need someone to show you around….'

'Oh, I would like that. And if you need anyone to show you around Pairs while you are 'ere, I would be 'appy to oblige.'

'Well that's very nice of you Dèsirèe, but if you wouldn't mind I'd like to order please?' said Tara.

'Oh, of course.' She smiled falsely at Tara. Once they had ordered, she smiled once again at the lads and moved off, all of them but Tara watching her.

'Um…. Guys?' Howard, Naboo and Bollo all snapped out of it and smiled a little guiltily. Vince, however, was still staring, though Dèsirèe was long gone. 'Vince?'

He blinked suddenly. 'hmm?'

Tara smiled. 'Nice of you to join us. Honestly, you'd think none of you had ever seen a woman before!'

'You're just jealous because there's no guys around for you!' chuckled Vince.

'That's not true, I saw a really cute emo on the way here! Besides, I could probably get a girl like that if I wanted.'

'But you don't like women, you're straight.'

'Yeah… but that's beside the point, the point that I could is the knife here, and the fact that I don't like women is the spoon look. That's come in later, but right now its all about the knife.'

'What's the fork then?'

Tara thought for a second. 'The fork…. Is the fact that I don't want her anyway. Its there with the knife as a side note, but its also connected to the spoon because I don't swing that way.. the fork can go with either.'

'So the fact that you can have her is the main course, but the fact that you're straight is the pudding, and the fork connects the two because… you don't want her because you're straight but even if you could have her you wouldn't want her anyway?' Howard tried to clarify.

'Yeah. All got a bit confusing didn't it?'

'Why wouldn't you want her anyway?' asked Vince.

'I don't like her. Totally unjustified I know, I've just met the woman, but there's something about her I don't like, that's a bit off.'

As Dèsirèe approached the table, Vince muttered. 'I'm gonna have to disagree with you.'

'Thought you might.'

Dèsirèe and another waitress passed around their meals and while doing so, expanded her offer to show them around. 'I was thinking, if I were to show you around I could tell you some of ze 'history of ze area. I don't expect you are knowing very much about Paris, yes?'

'Actually, I-' began Tara, but was kicked under the table by Vince. 'Ow!' They all looked at her. 'Oh – sorry, I.. stubbed my toe.' She looked accusingly at Vince.

'Well, if you are knowing Paris I'm sure you could show yourself around while I took care of ze boys, oui?' Dèsirèe purred.

_Nice try. _'Oh no, I'm sure it would be nice to get an insiders view!' Tara replied, a little too brightly. 'You probably know a lot more than me anyway.' _Though I'd be happy to prove you wrong._

'Oh, well then. 'Ow lovely.' Dèsirèe smiled stiffly at her. A voice called from across the restaurant. 'Oh, excusez-moi.'

When she'd gone, Tara was finally able to rub her throbbing leg. 'you should be banned from wearing platforms, d'you know that?' she asked Vince.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to do it so hard.'

She only grumbled in reply, before tucking into her tagliatelle.

**Hope you liked that. Dèsirèe is apparently french for desire, and is also the name of the late great Dan Eldon's jeep. (If you don't know who I'm talking about, look him up because he was great.)**

**All reviews welcome, so what are you waiting for?**


	7. Ferry Fun

**Sorry sorry sorry its been sooooooooooo long for this chapter, i've had a hell of a time writing it i can tell ya! But (fingers crossed!) hopefully the next one won't take me so long. Thanks to Hannah (cookiemunster) for sticking with me and being lovely, as well as Fwoggeh, Kenzie and Suuntavaisto, thank you all!**

After a delicious breakfast of homemade croissants, they were due to reassemble downstairs, ready to set off. Tara was examining a map almost as big as she was, with Naboo looking over her shoulder, and Howard and Bollo were examining the leaflets in a stand on a nearby table. Well, Howard was _trying_ to examine them at least, but his French wasn't exactly top-notch, which made it rather difficult. Bollo was just looking at the pictures.

Vince finally emerged, wearing a plum-coloured satin shirt, pink feather boa, red cowboy hat and tight white trousers. He looked rather dazed.

'What's up with you?' asked Howard, bemused.

'I had a vision of her in my sleep last night' said Vince dreamily, gently stroking the leaves of a spider plant, which, from the angle Howard was standing at at least, was startlingly similar to Vince's hair.

Howard shook his head in despair. 'It's called a dream Vince. And who are you on about?'

'Dèsirèe' he smiled.

'Really?' Howard replied, before muttering thoughtfully 'me too'

Vince looked at him. What was Howard doing dreaming of Dèsirèe? She was obviously interested in him…. Vince shrugged it off. _Nah, he probably thinks he still stands a chance with her, delusional as usual. He shouldn't be in any doubt by the time she sees me in this outfit though. The combination of silky and fluffy? Never fails!_

'Oh, you've emerged then' said Tara, finally noticing the presence of Vince. Though how she could've missed him in that outfit is a mystery.

'What are you two chattering about?'

'We both dreamed of Dèsirèe last night.'

'So did I' said Bollo, as did Naboo. They weren't puzzled, as perhaps they should've been, so much as smiling slightly at the memories of their dreams.

'Hang on, what are all of you doing dreaming about her? I'm obviously the one she's interested in.' said Vince.

'They were probably dreaming of her for the same reason you were' said Tara. 'And I expect your dreams all followed the same theme, hmm?' she asked, raising an eyebrow.

All the lads looked sheepish. So much so that a passing ewe called Doris who was looking through the window fell instantly in love with Howard and hurried across the road to declare her undying love. After a whirlwind romance (so whirlwind in fact, that the others didn't even notice he was gone) he returned, wondering why the only females he could get were sheep.

'Shall we go then?' he said, hoping the others wouldn't ask why he looked so flustered.

So off they went, to pick up Dèsirèe, much to Tara's quiet dislike. They found her waiting outside the restaurant, wearing a long black flowing skirt, with a lacy scarlet vest top. Even Tara had to admit, she looked good.

'Hey there. Alright?' Vince greeted her.

'Allo everyone' she smiled. 'Vince, I love this, what you are wearing.' She said, gently touching his feather boa.

'Thanks' he smiled shyly.

'What would you all like to do today?' Dèsirèe asked.

'I thought we could take a ferry along the Seine to start off with, then move from there.' Said Tara.

'What.. a good idea' said Dèsirèe stiffly. She turned back to Vince. 'Your sister is very clever Vince.'

'Yeah' he replied, barely aware of what she'd said. His mind was on other things besides speech.

'At ze end of ze day I thought we would go up to ze top of ze Eiffel tower. Its is very romantic up there…' she purred.

'I bet it is' Vince smiled, not taking his eyes off her.

'Come on then!' said Tara with false brightness, pushing her way through the two of them and walking off towards the metro station. The others followed suit, Vince and Dèsirèe at the back, talking quietly.

Howard used the Northern Pins to their full extent to catch up with Tara. 'Hey there.'

'Hey Howard!' she smiled.

'You.. alright?' he asked.

She looked a little confused. 'yeah'

'Well, I just thought, because of, y'know, back there, with' he said (or, tried to say), indicating Vince and Dèsirèe.

'Oh right, yeah, I am. Thank you.'

'You really don't like her, do you?'

'No, I don't, but it doesn't really matter does it? We'll all be leaving next week, and Vince will forget all about her.'

'You don't think they'll stay in touch? They look pretty.. friendly… '

'Nah, Vince hasn't got the attention span for a long-distance relationship'

_He managed to stay close to you_ thought Howard, but decided not to say so. 'You don't think you should at least try and be nice to her?'

She looked up at him pitifully. 'Do I have to?'

He laughed at her expression. 'I think you should try.'

'But this way's much more fun!'

'Yeah, but if she doesn't respond, then you'll look like the better person for trying.'

Tara considered this as they descended the steps to the metro station. 'I like your thinking…. You done something similar before?'

He looked shifty. 'Um, no'

She laughed quietly. As the others approached them, she decided to try Howard's advice. No matter how dirty it made her feel inside.

'Um, Dèsirèe? Could you come and order the tickets with me please? I'm not exactly sure what to say.'

It was a huge lie. And Dèsirèe's expression only made Tara feel worse

'Certainly.'

They walked over to the kiosk and began to order the tickets. Tara let Dèsirèe do it, but as soon as she made a mistake with where they wanted to go, she corrected her. Dèsirèe bristled, but let it pass. _Damn _thought Tara.

Dèsirèe meanwhile, chose to employ a different tactic. Namely, appealing to Vince.

'Vince.' She said quietly, once the metro tickets had been dished out. 'I do not think your sister is liking me very much.'

'Nah, its not that, I expect its just because she's not used to having another girl around. I'm sure she'd love you if she knew you like I do….' He stopped to gaze at her. She smiled coyly. 'Just give her a chance, yeah? Why don't you try talking to her a bit on the ferry in a minute?'

'Ok Vince, I shall try. For you.'

That girl sure knew what she was doing.

They managed to get a seat at the front of the relatively uncrowded ferry, and Tara put her bag on a seat next to Naboo.

'D'you mind keeping an eye on that please Naboo, I'm gonna be off taking photos'

'No problem' he smiled.

She walked off to the side of the ferry, and Vince nudged Dèsirèe after her.

'Bonjour' said Dèsirèe stiffly.

Tara turned to look at her. 'Oh. Hello' She went back to taking pictures.

Dèsirèe searched for something to say. '.. what are you photographing?'

Tara looked at her, then at the scenery she was rather obviously taking pictures of. She was about to make some sarcastic comment, such as 'giraffes practicing for Wimbledon', but then remembered what Howard had suggested to her. _Be nice_.

'Well, y'know, anything that catches my eye really' she replied, snapping some nearby architecture to emphasise the point.

'You take a lot of photographs then?'

'Yeah, like I said, whatever catches my eye. I sell what I can.' She looked to the front of the boat – they were fast approaching a bridge. Dèsirèe seemed about to say something, but Tara interrupted. 'Stay here, I'll be back in a minute.'

She hurried forward to the front of the boat, and lent back against the edge, so that she was almost horizontal. At this point, she was glad that she chose to wear jeans instead of a skirt, as she felt the gazes of the other passengers (except Vince, who turned as though hearing his name called, and waved at Dèsirèe) upon her, until it became clear what she was doing. She waited until the boat has passed under the bridge, and as soon as she reached the other side, took a picture of the gargoyle directly above her. On the way back to Dèsirèe, she crouched down a little behind Howard, Vince Naboo and Bollo, and took a picture of the back of their heads, with the Eiffel tower in the background. _That should look good in black and white_ she smiled to herself as she reached Dèsirèe.

'Anyway, you were about to say something?' asked Tara, in the most casual and uncaring manner she could muster.

'Yes. Listen, I really care about Vince, and-'

Tara scoffed. 'No you don't'

'I beg your pardon?' asked Dèsirèe, trying to conceal her growing impatience and anger.

'You don't care about him.'

'what, how dare you, you don't know that-'

'Yes I do, its obvious from your eyes.'

Dèsirèe was thrown for a moment. 'My what?'

'Your eyes. They give you away, there's no feeling in them, not even when you look at Vince. You don't care about him at all'

Dèsirèe tried to interrupt, but Tara kept going.

'And I don't know what you want from him – although I could hazard a guess- but I'll find out, and in the meantime, you'd better not do anything to hurt him.'

Dèsirèe's eyes stared down at Tara with such rage that she was in fact a little intimidated, but she held her ground, and of course didn't let it show.

However, when Dèsirèe spoke, her tone was as cool as a cucumber which had recently returned from its trip to Lapland, and was now back at home in its fridge drawer.

'You know, I am thinking zat one day soon your nose will be poked in where it doesn't belong, and will make people un'appy.' She said the next bit rather more fiercely. 'Especially people who are sick of stupid little English girls thinking zey are more clever zen zey are, and talking about zat which zey 'ave no understanding!'

Dèsirèe was right up in her face now, and for a second Tara though she saw a flicker of red in her eyes, before realising that it must have been the reflection of the plastic chairs surrounding them.

The corners of Tara's mouth twisted upwards. 'We'll see.'

Dèsirèe backed off a little. 'I suppose you will be telling ze others of this?'

'No, I think this is a matter best left between us girls, don't you?' Tara replied, before walking off.

Vince found her a minute or so later, this time on the other side of the boat, laughing with a couple in their mid-forties. As he approached, he could hear that they were talking in French.

Tara noticed him and excused herself from the couple, smiling to him in greeting. (it was, after all, Dèsirèe whom she was displeased with, not Vince. After all, it wasn't his fault if he was interested in possibly the most despicable woman in Paris, who was totally false and rude to his little sister, who'd stuck with him through the worst of times, only to be pushed aside for this Parisian hussy, this French slut, this-) Tara shook herself out of it. It was Vince. And here he was now, coming to talk to her.

'Heya. I see you and Dèsirèe had a little chat then?'

Coming to talk to her about Dèsirèe.

'We… reached an understanding.' She said simply.

Vince seemed to take this as good news, and indicated the French couple Tara had been laughing with. 'I thought you were gonna teach me French?'

She smiled again. 'I was, but all you wanted to know was 'how much are these boots?' and 'some root booster please''

'I just didn't wanna learn any of the boring stuff.'

'Yeah, but the boring stuff is the important stuff. If you want to learn French, you have to know the fundamentals, how to formulate a sentence, conjugate a verb..'

'Conjugate a herb? I'm not cooking in French!'

'_Verb_, not _herb_ you enormous muppet!' She laughed.

Vince chuckled a little at himself. 'I do know a bit of french though - Je deteste le brown, je suis un cup, je-'

'Just stop right there.' Tara halted him. 'Thats not french!'

'Yeah it is, its fake french'

'Vince, I think the use of the word 'fake' in its title 'fake french' might just hint at the fact that its not proper french...'

'It still counts'

'I think fake french only counts to impress people who don't actually know any french. And who have probably never even heard of the language.'

'Like Tatabob?'

'Who is Tatabob?'

'Tatabob's this guy right, whose made entirely out of bubble wrap, and he cant go outside because people will get excited and start popping him, so he has to sit in his cuboard all day, thinking about the mysteries of life. But he doesnt know that much about life, so its a pretty short stretch of thinking, so he asks me to come and talk to him about the outside world, and i speak fake french to him.'

Tara looked at him. 'You're loopy.'

'Yeah? Well madness is heriditary, just give it time.'

'Are you threatening me?'

**Hope you all liked that. What did you think about using 'z's instead of 'th's for Desiree? I was worried about it looking naff the whole time I was writing it. Do you think I should stick with it in future, or just use 'th' like a sane person? Please tell me, otherwise the next chapter will just be a bizzarre mixture of both!**

**Please review, my yeti biatches!**


	8. Tara's Turmoils

**OOOOhhhh its good to be finished with this chapter... Right, ok. Thank you to my lovely review type people, and a special huge wonderfully loving THANK YOU to Hannah and Corinne for all your help, i really couldnt have done this one without you! Mwa!**

The rest of the day passed without great event – Tara and Dèsirèe very coolly and civilly made clear their dislike of each other (without the others catching on of course), they wrestled Vince into a beret, despite his protests about what it would do to his hair, and they stopped at a lovely crêperie for lunch.

It was now early evening, and they had reached the Eiffel tower. Tara took a few photos, but was careful not to take too long for fear of everyone else getting bored. When she was done, they began the long ascent of the stairs. They stopped to look around a little on the two lower platforms, but the sun was sinking fast, so they decided to hurry up to the top.

There was a huge crowd of people by the lifts, and Vince, Howard, Dèsirèe and Bollo managed to stick together, but Tara and Naboo got separated, and subsequently had to take a different lift. Although they were right at the front of the queue, their small statures meant that they got jostled into a corner by the huge crowd, and ended up with Tara pressed up against the wall, Naboo pressed up against her by a large American woman behind him.

Their eyes met for a moment, and they both smiled before looking away, embarrassed.

'Sorry about this' he said, steadying himself against the wall behind Tara so he didn't get pushed right into her.

'Its ok, I don't mind. I mean,' she hastily added, 'its not your fault.'

They made a quick stop at the intermediate platform, where some people got off, giving Naboo room to step back a little. Unfortunately more people then got on, which mean that there was just as little space as before, only now the large American woman was stood between them. She looked strangely familiar.

'Are you ok?' Naboo asked Tara, who had been looking a little uncomfortable, over the woman's shoulder.

Before Tara could reply, the American woman, apparently thinking Naboo had been talking to her, answered. 'Well I'm just dandy thank you hon, and yourself?'

'Uh, yeah, great.' He muttered, trying to ignore Tara's giggles.

'You been to Paris before sugar?'

'Uh yeah, a little while ago.' In fact, Naboo has spent quite some time in Paris, during the bohemian revolution, dealing silk scarves and saffron.

'Its my first time' she beamed. 'Its not often I have a first time at my age.' She added, nudging him suggestively, which made him stumble into a nearby security guard.

Seemingly unperturbed by Naboo's obvious disinterest, she carried on. 'You're from England aintcha? I've just been over there visiting my nephew, Bobby. He runs a zoo.'

Tara, who throughout this 'conversation', had been stifling laughter, pulled herself together to ask 'He's not called Bob Fossil by any chance, is he?'

The woman, lets call her Betty, turned around, noticing Tara for the first time. 'He sure is, why, do you know him?'

'I only met him once, my brother used to work at his zoo.'

'Oh really? What was your brothers name?'

'Vince Noir.'

'Oh well sure, Bobby mentioned him! Said he was a great keeper, and had lovely hair?'

'Yep, that's Vince.'

'He also mentioned another fellow though, that he used to associate with, someone called Moon?'

'Howard Moon, yeah.'

'Bobby said he was terrible, always getting your brother into trouble and messing up things wherever he went.'

'That's not true.' Said Naboo. 'Howard was a good keeper, things just tended to go wrong when he was around…' he finished pathetically.

'And I expect it was Vince who was a bad influence on Howard, not the other way around!' added Tara.

'All I know is what I heard' replied 'Betty'.

'Well, yeah, course you have sorry. But Howard and Vince are here, if you wanna talk to them as well.'

'Oh, I would love that! I'm sure Bobby would like to hear how they're doing. Where are they?'

'They went up already, but I'm sure if Fossil described Vince adequately, you'll be able to find him!' Tara grinned. However, she wasn't so much grinning at the woman, as what she imagined happening when Vince and Dèsirèe were ambushed by this woman… _That should provide some entertainment if things get a bit dull._

Meanwhile, Howard was in a spot of bother. He had consumed three bottles of water walking up the stairs, and was now hearing the call of nature very loudly, and it wasn't about to leave a message and ring back. He couldn't see a sign for toilets anywhere, and Tara was nowhere in sight either. He'd have to use the vague memories he had of doing French in school, and ask someone.

He sidled casually up to the information desk. 'Bonjour, ou est le garcon si vous plait?'

'Ou est ce qui?' asked the woman behind the counter.

'Le garcon.' Howard suddenly realised that 'garcon' wasn't the word he was searching for. 'Pardon, le hommes, ou est le hommes?'

The woman looked bewildered.

'Le hommes, je veux le hommes, où suis eux?' He tried to indicate going to the toilet, but ended up miming something very different indeed. Luckily at that moment, Tara spotted him and came to the rescue.

'Howard, what on earth are you doing?'

'I'm trying to find out where the sodding loos are, she doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying.'

'What are you saying?'

'"Ou est le hommes, je veux le hommes", that's right isn't it?'

'That's 'where are the men, I want the men'! And with that mime, I'm not surprised at the look she was giving you!'

'No, but, wouldn't, it'd be obvious- oh, forget it, just tell me where they are please?'

'Over there' she pointed, and Howard scurried off while she tried to straighten things out with the poor woman Howard had been harassing.

The shop assistant had disappeared by the time Howard came back, he gave Tara a sheepish grin as they began to wander about, talking.

'Where are the others, surely they coulda helped you out a bit there?' asked Tara.

'I don't know, Vince and Dèsirèe disappeared as soon as the lift doors opened, and I think Bollo went to the gift shop. They wouldn't have been any good anyway, they cant speak French. Well, except Dèsirèe.'

Tara made a small noise of contempt in her throat.

Howard continued. 'They wouldn't want to help though, they'd prefer to sit back and laugh at me.'

'Come on Howard, I'm sure that's not true!' He looked at her. 'Well, ok, maybe a little, but they'd help in the end. That's what you four do isn't it, help each other out when you're in a fix?'

'I guess so, yeah.'

'You're pretty lucky to have friends like that.' Tara said quietly.

Howard nodded thoughtfully. 'But you must have loads of friends though, y'know, trucking about.'

'I did.'

'Did?'

She sighed. 'Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I love the friends that I have, but I seem to have less and less. Vince is pretty much my best friend, how pathetic is that?'

'That's not pathetic, its quite nice.' Howard said insistently.

'Maybe.' They'd reached the balcony, and looked out over the majestic view. 'I used to have quite a lot at school, because we saw each other all the time, and went out and stuff, but that doesn't happen so much any more. And every time I see them now, it seems like we've drifted a little further apart, y'know? And I'm just really afraid that one day I'll see them and not know them at all'

'Don't you ever get together or anything?'

'We used to get together almost every week, they'd always call me whenever they were arraigning anything so that I could get to them in time, if I wanted to go. Well, they used to anyway.'

'Used to?'

'Yeah, I haven't been hearing from them so much recently.' Howard looked down at her. 'well, I mean, they're probably busy and stuff y'know… forgot about me I guess…' she looked away.

Howard frowned. For the first time, he was getting the feeling that Tara might actually be lonely. It had never occurred to him before, she'd always seemed very happy, driving around and being able to please herself, but now it seemed that perhaps that wasn't the case.

Tara was muttering under her breath, half to herself. 'They've got new friends now.. private jokes…' Tears were beginning to form in her eyes as she stared out ever the Paris skyline, not actually seeing any of it. Realising this, she hastily wiped them away, embarrassed. 'Oh god, look at me.' She attempted to regain her composure. Howard moved to hug her, but she held up her arms as a barrier.

'No, I mean, thank you Howard, I appreciate the gesture really, but – if you hug me, I know that I'll just break down completely.'

Howard nodded understandingly. 'Ok. You know, if you ever need to talk again…'

She smiled. 'I know, thank you.' She turned to leave, but then added 'oh, um, don't tell anyone will you please Howard? Especially Vince, he'll only freak out and start clinging to me, asking me if I'm alright ever five seconds. I'm not putting up with that again'

'Sure. Where is Vince anyway?'

'Oh, I think he's over-' she had turned around to look for him, and now spotted him next to the pay-telescopes, with his tongue seemingly halfway down Dèsirèe's throat. 'There' she finished, before stalking off in the opposite direction.

'Tara?' Naboo called.

She wandered over. 'Yeah?'

'Can you read this please?' he asked, pointing to a sign in French. He then pointed again, this time in English.

She looked at it, scanning through before she read it aloud. 'Ok, but this isn't word for word mind… when the Nazis were here in 1940, the French people cut the lift cables so Hitler would have to climb up the steps if he wanted to get to the top. The parts to repair them were allegedly impossible to obtain because of the war, though they were working again within hours of the departure of the Nazis. Soldiers had to climb all the way to the top to hoist the swastika from the top, but the flag was so large it blew away just a few hours later, and they had to go back up again with a smaller one. Hitler chose to stay on the ground. A Frenchman scaled the tower during the German occupation to hang the French flag. In August 1944, when the Allies were nearing Paris, Hitler ordered General Dietrich von Choltitz, the military governor of Paris, to demolish the tower along with the rest of the city. He disobeyed the order.'

'Cool' Naboo looked impressed. 'Where did you learn such good French?'

'Not at school, that's for sure! There used to be a French family living down the road a bit, this is after me and Vince left the forest, they ran a café, so I'd go down there and listen to them chatting to each other, and I picked some stuff up, and they taught me a bit. I used to get in trouble at school for skipping French lessons to go down there instead. Dunno what the big deal was, I learnt a lot more there then I would've in class, and I got lots of croissants too!'

'You got into trouble at school?'

'Yeah, quite a bit.. it wasn't for anything really bad, like being rude to teachers or not doing work or anything, it was mostly just for skipping classes to go to places I deemed more important, like the café or museums or whatever. They couldn't really complain though, because I always knew more when it came to exam time because of all the other work I'd put into learning stuff!' She looked thoughtful for a moment. 'I did almost get expelled once though.'

'Expelled?!'

'Yeah. It was this guy I was going out with, he was really sweet and funny, but he was only after one thing. And when I wouldn't give it to him, he tried to take it anyway.'

Naboo looked shocked. 'You mean-?'

'Yeah. But don't worry about it, I dealt with it, broke his arm. He tried to get me expelled for it though. The bastard.'

Howard sauntered over to Vince, who was surprisingly stood alone. 'Hey'

He turned round, to reveal the massive grin on his face. 'Hey Howard, you alright?'

'I suppose I can guess why you're looking so happy. Things going well with Dèsirèe are they?'

'Really well. I'm if lucky, I'll maybe try my luck at the Paris three-way' Vince said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively

Tara had been standing nearby, and now cried out 'oh, I didn't need to hear that!' before shaking her head and walking away, as 'Betty' noticed Vince, and began waving at him.

'Coo-ey!'

**(Info about the Eiffle Tower from Wikipedia). Hope you liked that, please review!**


	9. A Row and A Revelation

**Thanks for all reviews! Next chapter up ASAP!**

The next couple of days passed in a similar manner. Vince and Dèsirèe were practically inseparable, and Tara tried to keep from sulking by getting to know Howard, Naboo and Bollo better as they made their way round the sights of Paris. But Dèsirèe had to work at the restaurant most nights, so at least they (mostly Tara, the others didn't seem to mind her so much) were free of her then.

On this particular night, about three days before they were due to leave, they were gathered in the lounge area of the hotel, draped upon various sofas and cushions.

Vince was doodling Dèsirèe's name on a notepad. Tara noticed this as she walked past him, and said grumpily 'Honestly, cant you think about anything else for once?' Dèsirèe had been particularly unbearable today, and despite the herbal drink Naboo has given her to cheer her up, Tara was still in a bad mood.

Vince looked up. 'What you on about?'

'Dèsirèe, you're obsessed, with her all day every day, texting her all through the night, doodling her name.. give it a rest already!'

'I'm trying to build up a relationship with her alright, I cant just ignore her can I?'

'I don't know why you're so worried about it, just shag her and get it over with, that's obviously all you're working towards because we're going home soon'

'I'm not'

'Not what, not working towards that?'

'No, not going home.'

There was a stunned silence.

'What?'

'I'm not going home, I'm staying here with Dèsirèe.'

'WHAT?!' Tara practically (well, ok, actually,) yelled. 'You're kidding, right? Why on earth do you wanna stay here with her?'

'Because I love her!'

'Love her? Vince, you don't know her, you only met her a few days ago! That's ridiculous!'

'That's ridiculous? You're the one being ridiculous, I really like Dèsirèe and you cant even be bothered to talk to her properly! You're just jealous.'

'Jealous? Jealous of what exactly?'

'Jealous that someone else has my attention for once.'

'Oh, because you're my brother you mean, and I get to see you for about a week every five months, I shouldn't feel a little upset when all you think and talk about is some French slut?'

'Don't you dare call her that! You are jealous, you're jealous that I have friends and girlfriends and a proper life, and you've got nothing, your friends don't like you any more, you haven't got a boyfriend, all you've got is Bertha.'

'Bertha?' interjected Howard. Naboo and Bollo could do nothing but watch, their eyes flicking between Vince and Tara as if they were watching a tennis match. A tennis match that used to get on with itself wonderfully, but who was now very angry and upset.

'My van'

'You named your van?'

'Stay out of this Howard.' She said. 'So what if I've got no-one? At least I don't try and fill my life with ridiculous clothes and makeup!'

'You always said you liked my clothes!'

'Did it not ever occur to you that I might just have been being nice?'

'Being nice? This is you being nice, is it?'

'No, you idiot, I was being nice before, about your clothes. Honestly, were you this stupid before I was born? No wonder mum left you, she probably couldn't take any more!'

'Wait, what's she talking about?' Howard interrupted again.

'Mum left us when I was eight and Tara was a baby.'

'She left you? You never told me about this!'

'Well of course not, its not exactly something I'm gonna want to talk about is it? Anyway, so what if I never told you, you never tell me anything about your life!' Vince would have continued shouting at Howard like this, had the author not reminded him that he was _supposed_ to be shouting at Tara. 'At least mum spent eight years with me, she didn't even care enough about you to stay until you were one!'

Tears welled up in Tara's eyes, and Vince looked a bit shocked at what he'd just said, but did nothing to amend it.

In the extensive cellars underneath the restaurant, Dèsirèe was staring into a shallow bowl of water, watching the scene unfold with a cruel smile on her face.

**OOooohhh, dum-dum duuuUUUUUUUuuummmmmmm!! Please review.**


	10. Tara in Tears

**Thank you to reviewers, you were all very quick off the mark, I'm impressed! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Shortly after Vince had said.. what he'd said, Tara had stormed out. Vince skulked about for a while, and then disappeared as well. Howard, not sure what to do, decided to immerse himself in a documentary about rhinoceroses on the television, and Bollo, who had nothing better to do really, joined him. Naboo went in search of Tara.

He eventually found her on the roof. He almost didn't see her – looking around the small roof garden, she was nowhere to be seen. Just as he was about to leave, he heard a loud sniff, seemingly from above him. He stepped out of the doorway to the stairs, and looked around. Tara was sat on top of the stairwell, staring down at the street below with her legs dangling over the edge, unprotected by the railings that guarded the rest of the roof's perimeter.

'Tara?'

She looked round, her face stained with tears. 'Oh… hey Naboo.'

'What are you doing up there?'

She sighed. 'Nothing.' She looked down at the street again, making Naboo feel a little worried.

'You're not thinking about…' he indicated the street below.

'Thinking about what?' she realised he meant jumping off the roof. 'Oh, no, of course not! Don't be silly!'

'But, could you still come down? Please?' He asked, holding out his hand to help her down.

'Alright then.' She said edging towards the edge and dropping down. She ended up overbalancing, and fell into Naboo's arms. He tried to steady her, but found he sort of liked holding onto her, she certainly smelled nicer than Bollo…

Slightly breathless from her fall and… other reasons, Tara cleared her throat and thanked him, pulling away gently. They walked over to the small bench that sat on the other side of the roof garden, and sat down.

Tara sighed.

'How're you feeling?' Naboo asked tentatively.

'Like I'm a terrible sister.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, all that horrible stuff I said to Vince. I don't even know why I did it, I don't like arguments usually, I just walk away. But this time I couldn't stop, I just kept saying this horrible stuff and I don't know why, I didn't even mean it-' Her eyes filled with tears again and she couldn't go on. Naboo put his arm around her.

'I thought you'd be upset because of what Vince said to you.'

'Oh, no, well, a bit, but he's right, isn't he? I don't have a proper life, no home, no friends, no boyfriend..'

'Actually, I mean about your mum, but-'

'Oh, that. Well, I guess I should be, but I've always sort of accepted it. It was harder for Vince, he knew her, for eight years, and then-' she roughly wiped away more tears.

Naboo thought back to what Tara had said just now. 'Why don't you think you have a proper life? I think you do.. driving about all the time sounds quite fun, you can be your own boss. Better than being a shaman is, I'm sure!' he said, half-jokingly. 'And you've got friends, Vince, Howard, Bollo… me…'

She smiled. 'Being a shaman sounds pretty cool though, saving the day, being all heroic and stuff.' She said, turning towards him.

He brushed an eyelash from her cheek. 'Yeah, it has its moments.'

She smiled, and his chocolate brown eyes smiled back. They leaned closer together, lips parted, as heavy footsteps approached.

'Naboo' grunted Bollo, as their faces were impossibly close. Naboo sighed.

'What is it?'

'The Board of shaman wishes to see you urgently'

'Right now?'

'Yes'

'Sorry' he said to Tara, whose face was still mere inches from his.

'That's ok.' She said, sitting back. Naboo got up and made his way hurriedly towards the stairs. Bollo paused to speak before following him. 'He bad kisser anyway.'

* * *

Naboo, angry that the needs of the Board of Shaman had achieved what was possibly a new record of Worst Timing Ever, landed his carpet rather haphazardly in front of them. 'Yeah?' 

'Naboo.' Said the head of the board, Yakoo. 'You have been summoned before the Board of Shaman because we are concerned about your relationship with one' he consulted a piece of paper in front of him 'Tara Noir.'

'What d'you mean? Tara's got nothing to do with you.'

'It has plenty to do with us' Said Saboo, never missing an opportunity to have a dig at Naboo. 'When your work begins to suffer.'

'My work hasn't suffered!'

'Really? Then I supposed you know about the Sirènes?'

'Sirènes? They died out years ago.'

'So we thought.' Said Yakoo, regaining control of the meeting. 'But we suspect activity in Paris. We're surprised you didn't pick up on it.'

'Well, I've….. had other things on my mind.' He said sheepishly.

'Exactly. Female things, no doubt' said Saboo smugly. 'You know that a Shaman mustn't date.'

'Since when was that in the rules? Since you got stood up at the Christmas party, I bet!'

'Don't you dare talk about that!' Shouted Saboo.

'Crying into the punch bowl…'

'Shut up!'

'Silence!' commanded Yakoo.

Tony Harrison spoke up. 'I don't see any reason why this shouldn't be allowed. I met my Jessica when I was out in the field. We know the lad's a good shaman, if a little unorthodox, I don't think he'll let it be a problem.'

Naboo nodded his thanks to Tony.

'I'm sorry, but no, I cannot allow this to continue' insisted Saboo

'You're just jealous because you haven't got anyone distracting you! Is that why you're so bitter all the time, because you're not getting any?'

'I get plenty, thank you very much'

'Oh, women like the 16th Century pimp look, do they?'

'I don't know what you're gloating about, you haven't even kissed this girl yet.'

'So what are you worried about?' Asked Naboo, bewildered.

'We're worried about what might happen, not what is happening now.' Replied Yakoo.

'Look, its not going to affect my work, ok, nothing is. So can we just leave it please?'

'Very well' said Yakoo in a resigned manner.

'Keen to get back to your girlfriend, are you?' Saboo said childishly as Naboo got back on his carpet.

Naboo looked at him. 'Honestly, how old are you?'

'Four hundred and seventy three.'

'You're acting like you're three hundred and twenty five' he replied, and flew off.

* * *

Naboo climbed back through the window and climbed into his hotel room, flopping onto the bed. He was still annoyed that the Board had thought it necessary to intervene. What business of theirs was it, what was going on between him and Tara? Come to that, what _was_ going on between him and Tara? She certainly seemed as though she would have kissed him back, on the roof, but was that just because she was so upset? He was burning to kiss her when they were in the lift, but- 

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and he got up to answer it. Tara was stood there. 'I've got a headache.'

He knew from past experience that when Tara had a headache, it meant that something bad was going to happen (rather like Bollo's 'bad feelings', but less frequent), and let her in immediately.

'At first I thought it was just where I'd been crying, but now I'm sure it isn't.'

'Have you told anyone else?'

'No, I thought you'd probably be the best one to tell. I woulda told Vince, but I don't know where he is, and I doubt he'd have believed me anyway at the moment.'

Naboo smiled sympathetically, and invited her to sit down. He explained that he could use his shaman powers to look inside her mind and try and see what subconscious knowledge was causing her headache. She agreed to let him do this, and they sat cross-legged on the floor, facing each other.

He put his hands up and gently placed them either side of her head. She felt them tremble slightly as they touched her. She relaxed her mind, while he concentrated.

The first image her saw was himself, very close, and about to kiss Tara. Much as he wanted to see how this continued in Tara's mind, he knew there were more important things at stake, and moved on.

The next thing he saw was Vince's face, shouting, and glimpses of old photographs of a pregnant woman holding a young boy. Although this was obviously distressing Tara, he concluded that this wasn't the cause of her headache.

As the image of Vince faded, he caught a brief glimpse of Desiree, but as soon as he tried to focus on this, everything in his mind went black. Confused, he tried again, to no avail.

He sighed and opened his eyes. 'Its no good, I cant go any further.'

She opened her eyes as well. 'Why not?'

'As soon as I tried to focus on Dèsirèe, something blocked me. And I bet I know what it was. Come on.'

**Please Review!**


	11. Dastardly Desiree's Deeds

**Thanks to all reviewers, this chapters dedicated to those of you who wanna see Dèsirèe get her ass kicked! Also, apologies for any mistakes, but I've been sat here typing it up for hours and I'm pretty tired now!**

Vince had decided to work off his anger by taking a walk. However, he had been walking around the streets of Paris for over an hour without paying attention to his route, and was now thoroughly lost. He kept walking, his eyes wide and fearful, staring at his unfamiliar surroundings. Finally he saw the illuminated sign of Dèsirèe's restaurant, shining out like a beacon to call in lost souls.

He approached the main entrance, as Dèsirèe came round the corner from the alleyway at the side. She didn't seem surprised to see him. 'Hello Vince.'

'Hey' he kissed her hello. 'What were you doing round there?'

She fumbled for an excuse. 'Oh, I was taking out the rubbish. But Vince, come with me, I have a surprise for you'

'Cool, I like surprises. Will I like it?' he asked, leading the way into the alley

'It is to die for' she replied, following him and picking up a pipe that had been placed strategically nearby.

'What is it then?' he asked, peering into the darkness ahead of him.

'This.' She brought down the pipe sharply on the back of his Vince's head, and watched as he crumpled to the ground

* * *

Tara and Naboo had grabbed Howard and Bollo from in front of the telly, and set off in search of Vince. They'd raced off on the carpet, and sped towards the restaurant where Dèsirèe worked, as it was the only place they knew where to find her. Naboo only hoped that they weren't too late – although he'd never encountered Sirènes personally, he'd read about them, and knew what they were capable of.

They'd better get to Vince soon.

* * *

Vince awoke, his head throbbing like a new raver's Converse trainered toe after it had been stood on by an eighteen stone bouncer at a particularly raucous gig. He groaned loudly, trying to move his arm to rub it, but finding it tied firmly to something.

Opening his eyes for the first time, all he originally saw was darkness, with blurs of light dotted about. He blinked a few times, and tried again.

It was still dark. But now he could make out figures moving amongst the darkness, and flaming torches mounted on the walls. It was your stereotypical dungeon, right down to the chains. Wait, chains? Vince took another glance at his wrists, and saw that he was indeed chained to the wall, arms stretched painfully to their full extent, and ankles chained to the floor. He tried to move, but could barely wriggle, he was tied so tight. His chest was also bare, and he wondered what had happened to his shirt, it was one of his favourites, black with turquoise silk along the hems.

'Hey! What's going on?' he called.

One of the figures stepped forward. It was Dèsirèe, dressed in a deep red robe. She looked up at Vince with an expressionless face, and said nothing.

'Dèsirèe, what's going on? Where's my shirt gone? Because if you've torn off a button..'

When she opened her mouth, it was not only her voice which spoke, but hundreds of female voices, all cold and full of hate. 'We are doing our job.'

Another robed woman approached Dèsirèe, handing her a small ornately carved knife, as Vince began to speak again. 'What do you mean, your-'

His speech was cut off as he screamed. Dèsirèe had stuck the knife in his chest. It was only a shallow wound, but it still hurt like hell.

She removed it briefly, before cutting him again, carving symbols into his naked flesh.

His cries of pain echoed loudly around the chamber.

* * *

Naboo had conveniently landed the carpet in the alleyway, so they wouldn't be seen. They climbed off and looked around for any sign of Vince. Bollo found the pipe lying on the floor, with a stain on it.

'This Vince's blood.' He said.

'Oh god.' Whispered Tara, holding her hand to her mouth.

'How do you know?' asked Howard.

'It smell like Vince'

Not really wanting to know the details of how Bollo knew Vince's scent, the looked around for some other sign, something that might point them in the right direction. There was nothing.

They decided to try a few of the doors the opened onto the alley, out of sheer desperation more than anything else. Almost all of them were locked, and those that weren't generally led to kitchens that they were not welcome in. Except one.

Naboo found it, it was different than the others and so dark that he almost missed it. Unlike the rest of the doors, it wasn't metal, but wooden, and looked older than the building it led into. He opened it, and peered inside to find a stone passageway, lit by torches, leading steeply downwards.

'Hey, over here!' he called, and the others ran over.

They looked down it, and Tara, looking apprehensive but determined, led the way.

* * *

The blade was still being drawn slowly across his skin, to prolong every agonizing sensation. There were bloody lines and shapes all over his torso, the blood running down his body to the dirt floor and puddling around his feet.

* * *

As the passage levelled out, Tara felt sick with fear. What if these Sirènes Naboo had seemed so worried by had done something to Vince? Something they couldn't fix?

They turned a corner, to behold a figure walking swiftly across the passageway ahead of them. Naboo, who had been walking alongside Tara, threw out an arm to stop her. Only once it had disappeared round a corner did they continue.

The passageway twisted and turned like an angry snake, and as they journeyed further they began to hear faint noised echoing down the tunnel. As they drew closer to the source, they suddenly realised that the noises were cries and screams of pain. Vince's cries and screams of pain.

Tara was about to yell out his name, but Naboo quickly clamped his hand over her mouth. If they made any noise, they'd give themselves away.

'Oh right, sorry,' she whispered.

They moved on, and Howard took her hand reassuringly (though he couldn't be entirely certain that it wasn't also meant to reassure himself). She was shaking like a leaf.

The journey was damp and cold, and a harsh stench reeked from a source ahead of them, burning the back of their throats. The passageway began to widen, and the ceiling raised until all of a sudden they found themselves in a large chamber with doors like the one outside lining the walls. Only one was open, and from within it came Vince's voice, now reduced to a whimper.

They ran inside, to see the Sirènes gathered in a semi-circle, and piles of bones and corpses littering the ground, the source of what they'd smelt earlier. In the middle of all this was Vince, chained up, blood all over his torso, looking very pale with tears running down his cheeks.

'Vince!' Tara screamed. All the Sirènes whipped around to face her, and Vince looked up.

'What are you doing here? Get out, they'll kill you!'

Dèsirèe sighed in anger and frustration. 'You! Why must you interfere with everything, hmm?' She signalled to one of the other Sirènes, who approached Tara threateningly, but she was ready for her. Using the Sirènes momentum, she spun her into the wall where she crumpled to the floor, unconscious. 'Get away from him' she said in a dangerous voice to Dèsirèe, who had approached Vince again, this time with a bigger knife.

'Do you understand nothing?!' She shouted back, in her hundreds of voices. 'We are doing this for women everywhere, for you as well.'

'For me?! How on earth are you helping me?'

'They're Sirènes, this is what they do. They think they're improving the world.' Said Naboo, glaring at Dèsirèe.

'We are.' She insisted. 'We are those who've been consumed by love, destroyed by it, those whose hearts have been torn out and ripped to shreds.'

'But what do you want Vince for?'

'We shall prevent him from breaking anyone's heart, by taking his. We take those who don't love, and whom no-one else loves'

'He's my brother, _I_ love him!'

She considered this. 'That is not the same.'

'I don't care! You cant take him, he's all I have!'

Howard put a hand on her shoulder to subdue her.

Dèsirèe continued. 'First we draw symbols of love and life to represent our suffering, and the rebirth this ritual brings. The blood spilt represents the tears for love that has been lost. Then we remove the centre of all things, the heart.'

'Not today, you don't.' Said Tara, striding towards Vince. Dèsirèe hit her hard in the mouth, causing her to spin backwards and crack her head on the wall. Naboo ran to her aid, as the Sirènes approached Howard and Bollo.

He helped her up. 'Are you ok?' he touched her head tentatively, seeing blood on his fingertips as he pulled them away.

She brushed his hand away, ignoring his concerned face. 'I'm fine.' She got up, with the purpose of going back to Vince.

'Wait!' said Naboo, as yet more Sirènes hurried through the door towards them. 'Dèsirèe's channelling the energy of all the others, if you knock her out, it'll knock them all out, it's the only way we're gonna get out of here.'

She nodded her understanding and ran back towards Dèsirèe, tackling her to the ground as two Sirènes grabbed Naboo.

'You bitch!' spat Tara, wrestling with Dèsirèe on the ground, hitting, scratching and kicking every part of her she could reach. 'I knew I hated you for a reason!'

Dèsirèe threw Tara off of her, before crawling after her, scratching her cheek with a fingernail. 'We knew we should have thrown you off the Eiffel Tower when we had the chance! We knew you'd get in the way!'

Tara glared up at her, and they struggled together on the floor until Tara managed to get on top, and started punching Dèsirèe relentlessly. The more she hit her, the weaker the Sirènes grips on Howard, Naboo and Bollo became, until they were eventually able to free themselves.

They ran over to Tara, and could now hear that she was muttering something, one word for every punch.

'-my-brother-ever-again-or-I'll-'

'Tara!'

She looked up at them, then back down at Dèsirèe. She slapped her one last time, and got up, hurrying over to Vince.

He was very pale, and barely conscious. His head had lolled forwards, but he managed to lift it a little to speak. 'Tara... I- I'm so sorry.'

'Shhh, its ok Vince, we're gonna get you out of here, ok? Just give me a second.' She took hold of the chains, and with impossible strength, pulled them from the wall, freeing him. Howard and Bollo helped him down, while Tara knelt to pick up the knife that Dèsirèe had dropped during the fight. Grasping it firmly, she got up and advanced towards Dèsirèe.

Naboo grabbed her wrist, making her turn to look at him.

'I cant let you do that.'

'What?'

'If you take a life, no matter whose, you're not the same, there's no going back. I cant let you do that to yourself.'

'What about them?' she asked, nodding towards the unconscious bodies of the Sirènes.

'I'll get it taken care of.'

She hesitated.

'I promise.'

She finally agreed, and they left as a group, moving as fast as they could with one member seriously injured and another concussed.

**Please review!**


	12. A mixture and a make up

**Well, here we are, end of another story. End of an era, some might say. But the some who might say that would be wrong, methinks. Far as I know, there are no eras here. But I digress.**

**Thank you very very very very very much to all fantastic people who've reviewed, you're lovely and if we ever meet I shall give you a gold star and a kiss, if you're lucky! Mega special thank you to Hannah and Corinne for helping me with this, couldn't have done it without you! Well, I probably could, but it wouldnt be nearly half as good!**

**Also, thanks to McKenzie Drestire (if you're reading this) for reviewing 'Every Year', but you gotta sign in dude so I can review reply propely!**

They ran along the stone passageway, Howard and Bollo supporting Vince while Naboo and Tara hurried behind them. Tara clutched her stomach as she ran.

'Are you ok?' asked Naboo.

'Just feeling a bit sick.'

'Concussion?'

'I think so. Mixed with fear, anger and various other emotions. And also hunger.' She added, puzzled.

When they got out, Naboo magically sealed the door so it couldn't be opened by anyone on either side, unless they were a shaman. He also sent a message to the Board of Shaman to inform them that the Sirènes had been contained, and needed to be 'taken care' of.

They got back to the hotel and laid Vince on his bed. Naboo and Bollo sped back to London on the carpet to get what Naboo needed to help Vince recover, and Howard and Tara were left to clean the blood off him.

It was everywhere, covering his torso and all down his legs. Adèle had said that they could use the washing machine to clean his trousers, but his underwear was also bloodstained.

'Um, could you take care of that please Howard?'

'What? No, you do it!'

'No way!'

'You're his sister.'

'Exactly, it'd be too weird!'

'And it wouldn't be weird for me?'

'Well it would certainly be less Freudian!'

'Nuh-uh, no way.'

'Well, its gotta be done, and soon, Adèle wants the washing machine later. How about we toss a coin?'

Howard had had some bad experiences from coin-tossing in the past, and declined, suggesting that they play Rock, Paper, Scissors instead. He soon learned that luck was against him in this as well, as he closed his eyes, preparing to swap Vince's underwear.

He grasped the silky fabric, when all of a sudden Vince's voice cried 'What are you doing?!'

Howard opened his eyes to see Vince looking up at him from the bed, an expression of terror on his face. Tara had apparently also opened her eyes when he'd spoken, and was now doubled over in fits of laughter.

Howard tried to explain himself 'Well, I, um.. they were…oh, just do it yourself then!' he finished, throwing the clean pair he was holding at him and turning his back while Vince changed, wincing in pain every now and again.

By the time his clothes were in the washing machine, and the blood was being sponged off him, Naboo and Bollo had returned, and mixed up a potion to apply to Vince's multiple wounds.

He yelped as Naboo dabbed the first little bit on. 'Ow!'

'Its an antiseptic Vince, its gonna sting.' He told him, applying more. 'But it should make you heal faster.'

He left the care of Vince to Howard for the moment, and went over to Tara, who was sat on the floor against the wall on the other side of the room, eyes closed.

'Hey' he said softly.

She opened her eyes, and he knelt beside her, placing the bowl of his healing mixture on the floor.

'How's he doing?' she asked, nodding towards Vince.

'He'll be ok soon enough. We'll probably have to bandage his chest though.' He said, and she winced as he dabbed the mixture onto her head wound. 'Sorry.'

'S'ok' she leaned her head back against the wall and let him continue to dab her head. His eyes roamed from the wound to her face, eyes obscured by perfect lids, the gentle slope of her nose, her ruby lips-

'Naboo!'

He turned sharply. 'Yeah?'

'Heard me the fifth time then. Do I need to do anything else?' asked Howard, who had now finished treating Vince with Naboo's mixture.

'Uh, yeah, there's some bandages on that chair.'

Unfortunately, once Howard had finished, the bandages were so thick that Vince could no longer get any of his tight tops over them, and it was suggested to him that he wear one of Howard's for the time being.

'No way!'

'What's wrong with it?' asked Howard, holding up the green Hawaiian ensemble.

'What's wrong with it? Look at it, its like a psychedelic nightmare about kelp!'

'Do you mind? This is my best shirt.'

'I know it is' he replied with a pained expression.

However, Vince was eventually persuaded into the top on the condition that he be able to customise it – as long as Howard could easily restore it to its former glory when he was finished with it.

* * *

The next couple of days passed swiftly, and it was soon time for them to leave Paris.

Vince had healed well, and his bandages were now wrapped in a much thinner layer, allowing him to wear his own clothes again. Both he and Tara seemed to feel rather awkward about what each of them had said to the other, and didn't talk much. However, Vince decided to accompany her on her trip further south, so they could discuss their argument in Paris

They assembled outside the hotel, Naboo's carpet laid out next to Tara's van. While Tara was saying goodbye to Howard and Bollo, Vince called Naboo over to him.

'Naboo, can I talk to you for a mo?'

'Sure'

Vince kept shifting his weight from foot to foot, and was having trouble making eye contact. He obviously felt rather awkward. 'Its about Tara. Look, um, you're my mate and all yeah, and I know you like her, and you probably wouldn't but…' he trailed off, then looked Naboo straight in the eyes, all trace of awkwardness gone. 'If you hurt her, I'll kill you.'

Naboo smiled up at him. 'I know. But we're not togeth-'

'Yeah, I know, but just in case.'

'Alright.' He was just about to go, then turned back. 'How did you know how I felt about her?'

Vince shrugged. 'S'obvious.'

Naboo bowed his head and nodded as Tara bounded over to say goodbye to him. She hugged him tightly, and he could smell her hair as it brushed up against his cheek. It smelt like peppermint and hemp. She inhaled his musky aroma for the last time on that trip, and pulled away. His hands lingered on her back a little longer, and he looked into her eyes. 'Goodbye.'

She smiled faintly. 'Bye Naboo.'

He reluctantly let go and joined Howard and Bollo on the carpet, and they flew off, watched to the horizon by Vince and Tara, who then got into the van, waved at Adèle, and drove off.

* * *

They stopped a few hours later for lunch. They still hadn't said much to each other, partly because Tara was focused on the road, and Vince was reading 'cheekbone' magazine, but also because they didn't really know where to begin.

They decided to sit up on the roof to take in the view. Side by side, they sat eating their baguettes, until Tara broke the silence with a question that had been plaguing her since their argument.

'What was mum like?'

Vince turned slowly to look at her. In nineteen years, not once had she asked him any thing about their mother. He always supposed that maybe it was too painful for her, or she thought that he didn't want to talk about it, in which case she would have been right. Until now.

He gathered his thoughts. 'I don't remember much really. But I remember that she was pretty, and funny, and kind.' He smiled at her. 'She was a lot like you are.'

She smiled a little, then took a deep breath, preparing for what she was about to say. 'Listen, I'm- I'm really sorry about everything I said to you. It wasn't true, and I didn't mean any of it, but it just kept coming out of my mouth, and I couldn't stop it, and.. and I'm sorry.' She sighed.

'Its not just you, I said some things I didn't mean as well.'

'Yeah, but you were under the influence of Dèsirèe's bad juju or whatever, weren't you? I don't even have an excuse for what I said.'

'C'mon Tara, don't worry about it.'

'Don't do that!' she cried. 'Don't shrug it off like it doesn't matter, it does matter, it matters to me!'

'Sorry.' He bowed his head momentarily. 'I forgive you though.'

'But I cant forgive myself.'

'You should, you haven't done anything wrong, you were angry, that's all.'

'Just because I was angry, doesn't give me the right to say all that to you does it? And I know that, so why did I still say it?'

'Because you're an idiot.'

'Oh, thanks a lot.'

'You're not the only idiot though! I was stupid enough to fall for Dèsirèe in the first place.'

She laughed to herself. 'We're a pair, aren't we?' she asked.

He smiled down at her. 'Definitely'

_The End_

**It is the end.. but is it really the end? Yes, it is. But they'll be more fics in the series up soon, plus a few more non-Tara ones, so keep your eyes peeled, y'hear?**

**Hope you all enjoyed that, please review because I really love getting feedback, and thanks for reading, you must really be dedicated if you've got this far! xxxxx**


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